I can’t stand the cold of another night exposed – I don’t think I can stay hidden for much longer. Any marks I leave on the walls just disappear. Three days, two nights. I can’t keep running, trying to stay faster than the speed of the dark.
The doorway. I can see the blue-stained wooden frame – the pain in my legs, unbearable. Up, up, down, down. This labyrinthine island, the white walls overbearing. Ominous.
Left foot, right foot.
Left foot, right foot, slamming down onto the footprints of a thousand generations.
Broken lives, abandoned homes.
All bite and no bark, they shadow me.
I have to be faster than the dark.
This story was written for BeKindRewrite’s Inspiration Monday prompts The Speed of Dark; All Bite and no Bark and Can’t Stand the Cold as well as Madison Wood’s Friday Fictioneers. I also smuggled in a famous secret code, can you figure out what it is? Comments and criticism always welcome!
Dear Chris,
What is he running from? Great description and evocative writing, but I’m at loose ends trying to tease meaning from it. I’ll keep an eye on other comments and wait for enlightenment.
Aloha,
Doug
http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/10/11/a-case-of-you/
I think it does well not to tell us what he’s running from. Mysterious. After all, who is interested in something that they know all about?
That was the idea, to make you imagine your own horrors (they’re always scarier than someone else’s horrors)
“Faster than the dark ” — cool phrase that says it all. Nice piece.
I don’t need to know what he’s running from, it’s far scarier in my imagination.
Too dense to see the secret code
but I enjoyed the desperation of the piece.
The secret code is revealed at the bottom of the comments!
Of course, you quickened my heart beats by a few paces, i might as well not exercise for this week…lol. This is as evocative as can be…run dear fella, run!
I wonder what he is running from…very well done.
A good build of well-written tension.
you’ve definitely set the tone for fear. Is this a play on a Greek myth?
Hi Chris,
I was reminded of the tale of the minotaur, and this does look like Crete.
Ron
Enjoyed the tension and I like the title. Nice piece. Here is mine..http://blog.tompoet.com/?p=541
Tom
Well written piece that draws you into the mind of the man, now if only I could figure out your hidden code….
I’ve put the answer to the secret code at the bottom of the comments!
given that I’m not much of a video game fan I don’t feel very bad that I missed out on that but I have to say you’ve put it in very cleverly!
I’m going to try finding the dinosaur on facebook though
Very evocative. http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/10/12/fridayfictioneers-i-want-out/
I loved this! I can’t figure out the code, but I recognized the Be Kind prompts! Brilliant!
The code is revealed at the bottom of this comment thread! Glad you enjoyed the story!
Very nice. Gives me shivers.
Ominous. He’s running, but from what? Great hook.
I feel he represents all those who are attempting to escape from the frightening chaos of the Middle East. …To me… “footprints of a thousand generations” says it all. Nice work. I’m #2 this week.
Very well done. I felt he was running from something or things supernatural. Otherworldly. Excellent take. I was late this week. Number 54, at http://photovignettes.wordpress/2012/10/12/1459.
Oops. That should have been http:// photovignettes.wordpress.com/2012/10/12/1459. Hope that works.
You not only draw us a picture, but throw us into a certain state of mind. Brilliant. The code was lost on me, too, I’m afraid. It’s going to drive me crazy!
Thanks Steph, but the code wasn’t anything much to get worked up about! I’ve put the solution at the bottom of this comment thread.
does it have something to do with vampires? being faster than the dark because that’s when they come out? and they bite but they don’t really bark to announce their presence. thousand generations – because they’re immortal.
That’s not how I thought of it, but I do rather like this interpretation, I feel that it ties the whole story together quite nicely. May be time to return to another vampire story though…
Seems like there’s been some confusion on this, and I don’t know if my interpretations even anywhere near what you intended, but I get this surrealist / Jorge Luis Borges sense of an endless maze with no escape. I enjoyed it
That was my original intention, an inescapable, psychological terror. Is he even in a maze? Or is it all imagination?
[...] Chris [...]
OK guys and dolls, I’m pretty sure I built up this whole “secret code” thing a little bit too much. I feel like you’re going to be disappointed when I reveal what it is…
The horror in the darkness is not (for me) a physical danger. I suppose I left it vague and unmentioned so that you would come up with your own horrors – as most of you did. The way that I felt about it when I was writing was, as Brian Benoit mentioned, that it was a Kafka/Borges inescapable maze.
The code is the Konami Code… UP UP DOWN DOWN LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT B A. If you type it into almost any computer game it will unlock different cheats. You can also use it on a number of websites – I know Facebook used to have a little virtual dinosaur run across the bottom of the page.
P.S. I told you you’d be disappointed in the code…
[...] chriswhitewrites fiction BeKindRewrite, creative writing, drabble, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, InMon, monsters, short stories, short story, very brief story, writing 32 Comments [...]
[...] chriswhitewrites fiction BeKindRewrite, creative writing, drabble, fiction, flash fiction, Friday Fictioneers, InMon, monsters, short stories, short story, very brief story, writing 32 Comments [...]